Maddie's pet goldfish went to goldfish heaven yesterday. It seems he died from eating too much food. Someone and I'm not naming names allowed a two year old to feed Gus. Here's the emails that went back and forth in my family yesterday. Yes, I actually know these crazy people. And by the way I will miss Gus, I said good morning to him every morning(for a week) when I came downstairs for the day.
ORIGINAL EMAIL FROM MELISSA(MADDIE'S MOM)
R.I.P. Gus the Goldfish S**** 8/18/08 - 8/26/0 Cause of death: too much food . Time of death: mid morning (he was alive at breakfast) :( Very sad. buttons has no clue - she just points & giggles at his dead fish body in the bowl.
REPLY FROM PAPA
There will be a viewing this Thursday 8/28/08 from8:30pm-8:40pm In place of flowers Buttons(Maddie) has asked friends and well wishers to send new goldfish in big orange colored boxed to 818 Goldfish Lane. Cincinnati, Ohio Attn. Maddie "Buttons" S**** Burial service to immediately follow behind the swimming pool Anyone wishing to share stories and reflection of fun times and memories is encouraged to do so. Papa
REPLY FROM MADDIE'S DAD
I'll never forget him....it was the best 9 days of my life. At this rate, to have a pet fish for Maddie now through her teen years it will cost over $500 (double this amount if we get two fish-one for Sydney). This does not include fish food, water, fish toys, etc.... 365 days / 9 days (life span) x $0.79 (cost of fish) x 16 years= $512.80 So a donation fund will be set up in his honor. Part of the funds will go towards replacement fish while a big portion will be used in the worldwide fight against overfeeding. (did I mention Maddie's Dad is an accountant).
FROM AUNT CHRISTINA
Office of the C*****-C**** County Coroner Date and hour of autopsy performed: 8/26/2008; 2:40PM by Christina C******, M.D. 818 Goldfish Lane .Cincinnati, OH 555.555.5555 SUMMARY REPORT OF AUTOPSY:Name: Gus S***** Coroner Case: #1Date of Birth: 8/18/2008 Age: 9 days Race: Goldfish Sex: Male Date of Death: 8/26/08 Body Identified by: Madison S****EVIDENCE OF TREATMENT:N/A EXTERNAL EXAMINATION:The autopsy begun at 2:40PM on August 26, 2008. The body is presented in a small clear bowl. The victim was not wearing any clothing or jewelry at time of death. The body is that of a normally developed 9 day old male goldfish measuring 1.5 inches in length and weighing 3grams, and appearing generally consistent with the stated 9 days of age. The body is cold in temperature and unembalmed. Lividity is present in the distal portions bilaterally on gills. The irises are black and corneas are cloudy. Pupils measure .01cm. The gills are white and bright orange. Upon removal of the fish from the bowl a presence of an unidentifiable smell was detected. There is an orange marking noted at the victims neck, crossing the anterior midline of the neck just below the laryngeal prominence. The top gill is orange with two orange spots present on the dorsal side of the tail. Gills are equal, symmetrically developed and show no evidence of injury. There are no residual scars, markings, or tattoos. INTERNAL EXAMINATION:HEAD-CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM: Subsequent autopsy shows all areas of system to have been in good general health just prior to time of death. No hemorrhaging internally. Brain weighs .001gm and is within normal limits.RESPIRATORY SYSTEM: The oral cavity shows no lesions. Petechial hemorrhaging is present at the mucosa of the lips and the interior of the mouth. The airway is obstructed by excessive amounts of fish food. It appears that the victim was fed to death and died of hypoxia. The mucosa of the epiglottis, trachea, and major bronchi present with the same symptoms. Lesions in the trachea are noted, 3 in count measuring .002cm in diameter and .0001cm in width.CARDIOVASCULAR SYSTEM: The heart weighs .002grams, and has a normal size and configuration. No evidence of atherosclerosis is present.TOXICOLOGY: Sample of right pleural blood and bile are submitted for toxicological analysis. Stomach contents are saved.DRUG SCREEN RESULTS: Urine sample: NEGATIVE Hallucinogens: POSITIVE Barbiturates: NEGATIVE OPINION: TIME OF DEATH: Body temperature, rigor and liver mortis, and stomach contents approximate time of death to be between 9:45am-10:30am on August 26, 2008. IMMEDIATE CAUSE OF DEATH: Asphyxia/hypoxia due to excessive feeding and negligence of care. MANNER OF DEATH: Homicide REMARKS: Decedent originally presented to this office as suicide victim. Autopsy findings and discoveries suggests that suicide in this case is highly improbable. C-S county detectives were notified of this case and it's findings immediately upon conclusion of examination.Christina C*****, M.D.
Yes that's my family. Gotta love their wacky sense of humor!